I am the youngest of three kids and each year we get older. I wonder how much longer we will be in each others’ lives. Realistically, as we get older, we begin to grow apart and have our own lives. However, in my family that’s wildly unheard of . My siblings and I used to be best friends at one point. I’m talking video games all day, secrets, and calling each other instead of our parents if we needed something we didn’t want them to know about. But as we mature and become adults I’ve seen us all blossom and transition into different people – man is that hard.

So today, we’re going to talk about sibling communication and competition. Where my siblings and I are, and most likely where we are headed. Stay tuned, maybe I can help you guys with a similar situation.

Communication

The first thing we struggle with is communication with each other about different situations. I don’t know who is to blame for this. However, we always end up in an argument and can never see eye to eye. My brother uses the line, ‘I’m just maturing and growing up’. It takes everything in me not to say, ‘No you’re not maturing, you’re just being rude. By not allowing people to have opinions and create a MATURE conversation from the topic at hand.’ But then that would turn into another fight, and I probably would never hear from him again. Truly, that’s the last thing I want – whether he believes it or not.

Being able to understand others’ opinions and having intellectual conversations with them, while seeing things from their perspective is amazing. Getting the opportunity to be able to connect with others like that – family or not is great. Regardless of what anyone says or tells you this is the biggest determining factor in my opinion of maturing, elegance, and class. Being able to respect others and their voice.

Anyway, siblings should be able to talk to each other and communicate without the fear of being judged or ridiculed. You share blood with these people why try to ruin that? I am fully aware that there are people out there who have nothing to do with their families – for valid reasons. I won’t even attempt to understand or invalidate them because I have never been in that type of situation. But in ours, I can’t quite wrap my head around why and what happened to have such a sudden shift in our family dynamic.

It probably sounds silly, but as close as I have been with my siblings, I like to believe we’re all best friends. You want what’s best for your best friends, correct? You bet your ass, I will not lie or let my best friends or siblings settle for anything less than what they deserve. Whether they want to listen or not is obviously up to them. But I want them to know where I stand from the outside and from literally knowing them since we were in diapers and drooling all over the place. 

They shouldn’t have to make themselves small to make others feel big. ESPECIALLY in relationships, friendships, work environments, and everything in between. When others expect you to be able to move mountains for them it creates unrealistic standards, stress, and unrealistic expectations. For how you need to be and act at every moment of every day – hard no. Imagine seeing your best friends exhausted, stressed, and with their tails tucked. That’s not how we were raised, and I know that they deserve better and more than that. If they don’t have the energy or voice to express their thoughts and feelings, well, let me just do a mic check because I will make sure everyone in the back hears too.

Competition

However, on the other hand, I think this is exactly why we’re as competitive as we are. We all were raised to be the very best we could be. Then to succeed with whatever we did and continue to do. But let’s face it, we all believe, only be one at the top. I mean, isn’t that why they say it’s lonely at the top? So we fight, we argue, we give each other the silent treatment because if we admit the other is right… then that means the other is wrong, which means someone loses. 

Each of us wants to prove to our parents that we are doing great things. Accomplishing greatness within our respective fields, changing the world, and making a difference. Even that we have the ability – the heart to love and create a family of our own. Regardless of who it is with because again if we admit that there are deeper unsolved issues that we can’t fix or don’t want to change with our partner…we lose the battle of not only losing our significant other and the family that we are trying to create, but we lose the war to our siblings. Then we lose the family we had by not hearing their perspectives and concerns that we were blind to in the beginning – and give them the satisfaction of being right – the satisfaction of winning. 

How childish, right? As adults, we still look at each other as competitors instead of supporters. As much as I love being right and proving people wrong, I love my family more. I adore each of them, and I am humbled each day that we have such different interests and lives, yet we all continue to help others and thrive in our work environments. 

Meet the Siblings

My brother is a blue-collar outdoorsman with a fitness junkie mind. He has the cutest german shepherds, a business degree, and the knowledge of Steven Hawkins who spends his free time spoiling his girlfriend and coaching youth sports for his buddies when he has no kids of his own. 

My sister has so much talent in art whether that be pen to paper, dancing, or even when applying makeup; she can create beauty with everything she touches. She lives in books and writings – creating stories, learning from them, absorbing every piece of knowledge she can. Then applying that into not only her work but, also using it to edit everyone else’s. She has the biggest heart, out there – always going above and beyond for everyone BUT herself. 

She spends her days caring for and spending time with special needs individuals. The patience and grace she has is unmatched, and like Batman, her alter ego comes out by night. She can create the best drink you can imagine and has your back in a bar fight. (only if you need it) Her current boyfriend sees the stars in her eyes and holds her on a pedestal. Which she deserves in every way because she has been patiently waiting for someone as pure as her.

And then there’s me, which you all already know who I am and my background, so we won’t go into that. But if you know all three of us, and even if you don’t, based on the little paragraph informationals I provided, you can tell we are all quite different yet have similar traits. I believe we did this unintentionally on purpose – so when we branched off into our own realms, we didn’t have to worry about if I was doing the most or the best out of my siblings, but somehow, we still worry and still wonder. 

 All in All

There isn’t as much comparing or competition this way due to the difference in the fields and hobbies. They’re so vast and you can’t compare apples to oranges. But yet we still do. Both are good for you, both are fruits, and both have sweet flavors. But there is one you would choose over the other, and I think this a very hard thought to cope with when you have siblings. 

So at the end of the day, what do you do? I don’t want to lose my siblings, but I believe that if our communication doesn’t evolve, nothing will change for us. You can provide people with knowledge and wisdom but that doesn’t mean they will apply it to themselves. Change is scary, and nobody likes it. But maybe that’s the point.. you can grow in challenge or rot in comfort.  So, I decided to just let Jesus take control, I’ve said my piece at this time and maybe when the time is right, it’ll happen.  At this point, I would rather not talk to them about big issues or important topics than just not talk at all. 

Sometimes, all we can do is put out our hands and hope they grab hold, you know?

What do you guys think?